bleh

Hell week is finally over. I have had maybe a total of about 5 hours of sleep within the last five days because, of course, CMU loves to torture their students the week before the long weekends. I bonded with my lab partners pulling off all nighters doing chem lab reports and studying for that god awful chem lab test, which I'm pretty sure I got rapped on nevertheless. The only good thing I got out of this past week is the technique of mastering how to survive on 1 hour micronaps and how to trick your brain to have self-induced caffeine highs. But aside from work overload, what really got me into this shitty mood has been because of the complicated mess of social interactions. That feeling of being trapped, knowing that possibility of forming a new relationship is completely open but not being able to start anew. I truly miss freshman year. We were all so careless and innocent and back then, meeting someone new is most exciting and wonderful feeling in the world. Now, that doesn't even matter anymore. The people I've met sophomore year are just as cool, but somehow I get that feeling of distance... knowing that they've had a whole year of college experience before meeting you. It seems most people have settled down into their niche by now, but I am part of many niches but never fully committed to a single one, and all the groups I'm partially a part of are only one dimensional: a group to gossip with, a group to study with, a group to party with, a group to eat food with, someone to steal blocks off of, someone to rant to, someone to get physical with, someone to be awkward with, someone to tease, but never someone with whom I can do all of the above. It's a frustrating feeling, but life isn't always perfect. And I guess most of this is my fault, for not keeping in touch with people and for letting schoolwork completely drain my soul.

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Other highlights:

-Relay For Life: This year's relay has been especially emotional because it brought back memories of the summer (part of the reason I decided to revisit and update this blog). During the summer while working at AVEO I got the chance to met my boss's two year old soon, who is suffering from a brain tumor. When I first met him I would have never imagined he had cancer because he is truly an adorable little child. Then, my boss told me about his condition. I cannot even vaguely imagine how hard it must be to face the prospect of knowing your two year old child may die of cancer. I do hope Ben and his family are doing well.

-Football Concessions: worked the cash register for the whole time. Holy cow. High school football games at ridiculous. So many people O_o.

-I've temporarily banned myself from facebook. It's been two only days but I'm already suffering from major facebook withdrawal syndrome. The password has been changed and now only Dylan knows what it is. Maybe I won't be so distracted now? We'll see how long this lasts.

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People are interesting. So I've decided to write about a few new interesting people I've met this year. This is a little sketchy I know, but I swear I don't/would never stalk any of these people...

girl from work: another sophomore here at CMU. She described her schedule to me while we were waiting on the bus back from work. Basically, her days start at 4am every weekday (crew) to 8pm at night (meetings+classes+work at admissions office) and then she does her homework after that AND she also has a job as a desk attendant (graveyard shift I think), AND she's in a sorority AND she's also a tutor at EECM AND she's a mentor at McGill. Yup, her life seems very busy.

boy from work: a brother at Delt, chubby face/built, very adorable, like a teddy bear, speaks Japanese. That's all.

favorite aphio pledge: bonded with her at Relay for Life, karaoke, and concessions. She acts drunk when she's sober.

other favorite aphio pledge: funny story... he showed up in our apartment at one time and I came into the apartment totally not anticipating this because I had no clue that he was friends with Adrian. Apparently he came over to smoke with Adrian. I must have acted really surprised or I just came off as a really traditional/ innocent person because he felt the need to personally have a conversation with me the next day and explaining how he's been battling drug addiction and wants to quit and would appreciate it if I don't tell the chapter. A pretty chill guy though, I think we became friends after that.

my little: worst little/big match possible. She's a hardcore Christian. Bleh.

new gay friend met from lab: why are gay people so... pretty? it's a shame that they are gay. Also, I wish I have a gay best friend.

another dude from lab I: has the habit of saying "totally", "this fella", and "for sure"... those are his favorite phrases. he is also very anal about making every solution accurate to the drop which bugs the hell out of me because I'm not a patient person.

umbrella boy: offered me his umbrella because it was pouring rain outside and I live far away from campus. Probably the nicest act a stranger would do for you, but because of him, I now have a cynical view on life.

boy from library who's also in ochem: you know there's something wrong with you when you're meeting new friends at 3 am in the morning on the antisocial floor of the library. Organic chemistry truly brings people together.

freshman buddy: freshman at CMU but also from my HS! And a bio major! It's only his second month here and CMU has successfully converted him into an insomniac. Also, he gives me his blocks/buys me coffee in the mornings --> favorite freshman :)